A Logic Of Trolls
Meanwhile in the YouTube comments section:
“You’re mom is so broke she bought you an Android phone.” – @Applefanboy4Lyf, 1:07 am
> “Oh yeah? Tell that to the hollow space where your left kidney used to be.” – @Fandroid4Ever replying to @Applefanboy4Lyf, 1:09 am
>> “Not true. I could easily buy you and your mom the latest iPhones if she weren’t so busy sucking my dick.” – @Applefanboy4Lyf replying to @Fandroid4Ever, 1:13 am
>>> “Iphone users = small dick, just like that faggot Tim Cook.” – @Fandroid4Ever replying to @Applefanboy4Lyf, 1:17 am
>>>>“Doesn’t matter what size his dick is, it’s fucking Android up the ass. We’ve been doing it since the Steve Jobs era.” – @Applefanboy4Lyf replying to @Fandroid4Ever, 1:19 am
>>>>>“The best thing Steve Jobs did was to die. Apple is still CRAPPLE with or without him.” – @Fandroid4Ever replying to @Applefanboy4Lyf, 1:22 am
>>>>>>“Why you sad, sad, son of a bitch…wow…” – @Applefanboy4Lyf replying to @Fandroid4Ever, 1:26 am
>>>>>>>“What’s the matter, precious? You triggered?” –@Fandroid4Ever replying to @Applefanboy4Lyf, 1:28 am
>>>>>>>> “Whatever, go shove something huge and jagged up your ass. Android sucks balls. The Apple ecosystem just works better. Better camera, no lags, and better security, AND it doesn’t explode like that epic fail Samsung Galaxy Note 7!” –@Applefanboy4Lyf replying to @Fandroid4Ever, 1:31 am
>>>>>>>>>“Whoever believes that iPhones have better cameras, are not laggy, and have better security ought to do the following steps:
Turn on Gas Oven for 15 minutes. Put head inside Gas Oven. Inhale until everything turns black.
Seriously, you’re an idiot. Apple flat out sucks. No expandable storage, no replaceable battery, no NFC, no customization, and the latest of all gaffes, NO HEADPHONE JACK.” –@Fandroid4Ever replying to @Applefanboy4Lyf, 1:37 am
>>>>>>>>>>“Uh-oh, seems like somebody’s butt hurt. Stick to your fucking mid-range FAGDROID phone and enjoy all the viruses while I sit here basking in the glory that is an iPhone. – @Applefanboy4Lyf replying to @Fandroid4Ever, 1:40 am
>>>>>>>>>>“Typical iSheep behaviour. Stop bragging about your OVERPRICED yet UNDERPOWERED device because literally nobody is impressed. – @Fandroid4Ever replying to @Applefanboy4Lyf, 1:42 am
>>>>>>>>>>> “So long asshole, won’t waste my time because it’s plain to see: ANDROID IS THE MASTER RACE. Up yours.” – @Fandroid4Ever replying to @Applefanboy4Lyf, 1:43 am
>>>>>>>>>>>> “So long live IOS and forever it shall be: APPLE IS THE UBERMENSCH. Up yours.” – @Applefanboy4Lyf replying to @Fandroid4Ever, 1:45 am
FOOTNOTE:
The mouth hanging agape with drool in the corner conspiracy among adolescent boys has surpassed the men meets mammaries movement and is now sitting comfortably at home in front of a computer. Statistics upon surveys have proven the indefatigable evidence of a hard-on with just the sight of shiny new objects we call technology. Said objects are met with an almost feminine adoration from keyboard-thumping connoiseurs who at best, can only afford the mid-range offerings of these brands, albeit this fact never quite hinders them from boasting about its features as if the product showcases a certain appendage instead of applications. Behind the whole Apple vs. Android debate is a motley of dissatisfied youths compensating their rather mundane lives by eking out an online presence, however louche. This phenomenon is called “Trolling” and studies claim the preponderance of narcissistic, even sadistic tendencies in all parties taking part in this phenomenon. It has to be noted that sadism, in all its forms, is a byproduct of the Freudian theory of the pleasure-principle which in its own right takes root in Epicurean philosophy. To unfaithfully quote a passage in the introduction of a book called “To Hell With Culture”, the author Herbert Read writes that we have no general principle drawn from the contemplation of facts but what has been built up by pleasure, and exists in us by pleasure alone. Bottomline here, it must be remembered, is the seeking of pleasure and the avoidance of pain. In the latest Youtube video about whichever latest gadget, is the onslaught of fanboys battling it out with haters, and this apparently, is the pleasure-principle realized to the highest degree. By acting out their online persona, internet trolls have reached the pinnacle of what it means to be a man in the postmodern world. Every keyboard warrior is better than whoever he’s having an argument with at the moment. To quote Hobbes, “Omnis animi voluptas, omnisque alacritas in eo sita est, quod quis babeat, quibus cum conferens se, passit magnife sentire de se ipso.” (All pleasure lies in the fact that there is someone with whom, in comparing ourselves, we can have a higher feeling.) And that, folks, is what gets the trolls’ motor rolling. It is every bit a power struggle as it is a pleasure principle. Now you know the secret. Go online, and, nolite te bastardes carborundorum! (don’t let the bastards get you down!)